Cowardice and Truth
When there are things you believe but you do not dare speak them, a small part of you dies. The fear that restrains your speech becomes just a little bit more of your master. This is a negative feedback loop.
I know this all too well because I have been caught in that negative feedback loop for almost all of my life. The things I hold deeply true are things that I unashamedly discuss and proclaim when in company of those who I know truly care about me. In any other context, I am nearly mute. Some of that muteness stems from trying not to open my mouth and remove all doubt that I am a fool. However, much of that muteness is due to cowardice. It is due to my desire to avoid the focus, the ire, the scrutiny, the criticism, and all else that comes with your opinions and beliefs being on full display in front all actors: both good and bad, all perspectives whether allied, opposed, or indifferent.
It would be proper to ask if I really believe the things I think I do if I am not willing to have those beliefs held up under critical eyes. I wouldn’t know how to answer that question. I do hope that this and subsequent posts will serve as exhibits to negate the applicability of any such question to me.
My goal has always been to find, understand, and live in Truth. How can I claim to have even the slightest understanding of Truth if I am not willing to say what I believe. How can I even know what I believe?
I will endeavor to no longer let fear hold my tongue. I also will endeavor not to allow emotionality rule my speech.
I have no illusions that this means that I am no longer cowardly, but hopefully, it is a start on the path away from being ruled by fear.
This turning point is due in large part to something I heard Scott Adams say on a recent episode of Your Welcome which was “the thing you think is intelligence in a human being is really just combinations of words that they’ve heard in that combination before.”
This statement is relieving in two ways. First, it means that people who might ridicule or attack my positions are just attacking based on word combinations that resonate with them and thus any such attack is in no way personal (or it is and has absolutely no merit). Second, it means that my own “intelligence” is also such a combination of words, so I no longer have to identify with it, and if anyone were to bring a reasonable disputing perspective to me, I can easily adopt the newer perspective and get a little closer to Truth.
This newfound ability to dissociate my perspectives from me and my potential critics’ perspectives from them has been extremely liberating and has simultaneously weakened my ego in a good way.
I hope to use this new liberty to begin to earnestly explore my perspectives on this blog.